Tuesday, August 14, 2012
A lot has happened in the last week or so and I don't really know where to begin.
I've been stressed and as a result I have had some of the worst anxiety in years this last week. I woke up a few nights ago to my heart racing and the thought that I was dying. It was not pleasant. It was like a panic attack but 100 times worse because I know what a panic attack is but I had no idea what was going on with my body. I think I was fooling myself into thinking that I was okay and my life was okay and I was just ignoring this huge change that was happening in my life and my feelings because of it. Now I've accepted that things are going to be hard for the next few weeks and sometimes shit happens but there are just all of these thoughts in my head and I don't know what to do with myself. It's just so incredibly hard. And I don't want to start crying again so I'm going to stop.
I got a job. Thats cool. I went to CD102.5 summerfest and saw the Lumineers, Metric, and Forest and the Evergreens. I went vinyl shopping (and bought Thriller) and saw some really great bands at Oldfields. I watched a lot of movies. Had my first day of work. Went shopping. Rode my bike a bit...went to my old campus, worked out and then put clear glaze on some of my pottery.
Pretty much right now I am just trying to find any and every reason to keep myself from thinking too much and being sad. Okay. It's raining outside now. I'm going to go do something else with my time now.