Wednesday, October 31, 2012


I am sad and I bet you it is 100% because I didn't run today. And I ate poorly.

I started working out and ~trying~ to eat healthy again. Today was the first time I have not weighed myself in whoknowshowlong. I'm trying to not get discouraged and to instead weigh myself once a week or so. After today though I don't know if that is going to happen. It doesn't motivate me enough.

So I called off work for this Friday because I thought my friends were having a halloween party which may or may not be happening now. That, coupled with all of this other shit that is on my mind has my energy weighed down. All of these thoughts, all of this shit that I had either forgotten about or buried or whatever just brought back up with one selfish action. And of course I am the type of person that when one thing is wrong, every single thing is wrong. I think about how I never see my amazing friends, how much my job sucks balls, how I'm way too affected by emotions and that the way customers treat me at work is so unhealthy to my energy, how I'm twenty-two and let guys treat me like shit, have health problems, never meet anyone anymore and when I do, work schedules make it impossible for me to try to become anything more than facebook friends.

And then there is the pity party that I throw myself every day. Bust out the gift wrap and balloons, this is a one-way ticket to pity party! I can't stop comparing myself to my friends and wondering, asking myself, why am I such a weak, sad, pathetic, woman. I'm a hypocrite and a disgrace to myself. And I call myself a feminist.

I would throw in that I live at home but with the lack of social interaction I am receiving outside of work, I would say that seeing my parents everyday is helping keep me sane.

My parents, tea, records, and candles. And my camera. I have been using it more often.

I took my camera down to Darbydale with me and woke up hungover to take photos out in the cornfield. It had rained all night but the sun came out in the morning and it was just perfect. It made me so happy. I also photographed some at my favorite spot in the park near my house. It was one of the final warm days and I got there right as the sun was setting, which is why they are in black and white, because the colors were not so good.

So holiday drinks come out at my work tomorrow. Everyone keeps telling me that holidays are so busy and they suck and are so stressful and that I'll hate it and I just keeping thinking oh great thanks guys. Like I don't dread work enough.

This pity party was brought to you by passion tea, candles and Jonsi. Enjoy some photos from my instagram (@misspretoria).

No comments:

Post a Comment